Leaving again
by the vampyr marius
Summary: SPOILER WARNINGS! I've decided to add a 2nd chp. Two short dabbles. 1st William and Julia's PoV during two moments within the 2nd ep of series 5. 2nd William's thoughts after episode 4. Please review if you enjoy
1. Leaving again

"William" she greeted.

That was her first mistake she thought, she really must stop thinking of him as William, her William and start thinking of him as Detective Murdoch. It was just so hard to know where one ended and the other began. He smiled at her awkwardly; she knew it would be like this, having missed the wedding and then suddenly disappeared she could guess at his feelings but it was too late for all this now.

He was apologising for missing the wedding but she'd decided the night she'd seen his hesitant figure reflected in the glass that they just couldn't go through this pretence. He was holding her hand now, trying to shake it in a professional manner but maybe subliminally it was just to have some contact. The electricity that ran through her skin at his touch was so familiar, so distracting even in this circumstance. Even with the space she could feel the heat between them, this really was no good.

She was married now, they'd made their choices, this chemistry would be the ruin of her. She led him through to meet Dr Grace, looking at the young woman she knew this would be for the best even though it would be impossibly hard.

As he glimpsed her stood at his door way in that familiar way he felt himself brighten inside. She asked about the case but he knew it wasn't why she'd come. We make a good team he said but felt the atmosphere grow tense even as they smiled at each other. It was so true of course, they made the best team. He'd missed her when he'd been away but that was the main reason he'd left, to try and put her in the past; stood here now though he realised absence only makes the heart grow fonder.

He wished he could just pull her into his arms and brush all that had happened away as if it were a bad dream. She was speaking now, the real reason she'd come, and the bad dream was becoming a nightmare. She was leaving. He moved without thinking, taking her hand to shake again, anything to be closer to her one last time. She said they both knew the reasons. So he thought, she still cares for me too and his heart leapt slightly even in its defeat. Stood this close he could smell her, if he had a coin for every wish he was making right now he'd be a very rich man. How many times in this life would he have to see her leave he wondered, heartache a physical pain in his chest.

She had pulled away and was leaving now, would this be the last time he'd see her he wondered in despair? How had they come to this? As she disappeared from sight he was crumbling inside.


	2. Reflections

He tried not to but when he did he berated himself for it, yet here he was again thinking of her. Sometimes he wished he could just work twenty four hours a day, he seemed to escape her there, his mind honed on the task at hand, blazing with ideas. But here at home, alone, he often lay staring at the unchanging ceiling unable to sleep for thoughts and memories.

It had been a strange week and while its conclusion had been mostly satisfactory there had been one moment that had particularly disturbed him. Stood outside the interview room watching his protégé give his first real interrogation, a familiar sense of warmth and pride in his chest, he had been shocked when she'd arrived next to him bold as brass. He believed in equality in many respects but these modern women so strong minded and bold would always put him outside his comfort zone. He found he was no longer watching George as his eyes shifted to Dr Grace now watching the young constable with a smile. It sent shivers of memory up his spine, the feeling of seeing Julia through the glass watching him, the time she'd come to ask to observe the multiple personality case, it made his heart ache.

He was lying here now thinking how strange the path of life could be. The chance of a second female pathologist was slight to begin with but for her too to fall for a young detective, his own George no less, nothing short of unbelievable. The similarities with his own past weren't even subtle, it twisted in his stomach. No doubt Dr Grace was a fine young woman, Julia's good praise was enough to convince him of that and he wanted George to be happy. He'd always felt rather fatherly towards the constable and he felt it a privilege to watch the young man develop. It made him smile to think of George's admiration of his own skills. It had crossed his mind to speak with George about the Doctor, wanting to shield him from the hurt he himself had experienced but it felt trite and besides George was not him and Dr Grace was not Julia. He truly hoped it worked out better for them.

He sighed and closed his eyes again, willing himself to let go. His mind slowly let go of clear thought and again filled with hazy images, the sound of her voice and the smell of her skin. His dreams would be sweet until he awoke.


End file.
